Ketsbaia Bingo

by Stel Stylianou
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In 2017, the former Finance Minister of Cyprus, Haris Georgiades, made headlines when he revealed plans to regulate bingo gambling on the island. Little did anyone, not even Mr. Georgiades himself, foresee that six years later, bingo would have an unexpected connection to the Cypriot national football team.

Please note, the following statement is somewhat light-hearted. It all began weeks before the prominent betting firm Stoiximan entered into a partnership with the Cypriot Football Association. Interestingly, this announcement coincided with Cyprus's 4-0 home defeat by Norway, adding a twist of irony to our story.

UNOOOOOO!!!

“Knock at the door - Number 4”

Another international fixture has come and gone, and yet again, Cyprus found themselves on the losing side. A 4-0 loss to Norway left many in shock, especially since a repeat of the 6-0 defeat in Spain a month earlier was anticipated. Fortunately, Manchester City's Erling Haaland had a relatively quiet first half, thanks to a commendable debut performance by Hector Kyprianou.

As viewers fixed their gaze on their screens, they eagerly awaited the post-match comments from Ketsbaia. It was almost like they were marking off words on a bingo card, wondering what key phrases he would use to get them closer to shouting "BINGO."

"I don't have much to say. Unfortunately, our energy only lasts for 45-50 minutes. I don't want to make excuses, but considering Norway's level as a team and the quality of their players, it's very challenging."

Ketsbaia playing the same song over and over again

And there it was, three familiar phrases:

"I don't have much to say"

"I don't want to make excuses"

"the quality of the players they (the opponents) have, it's very challenging"

Admittedly, Mr. Ketsbaia may have a point when he laments his players' stamina levels. After all, defending for over 90 minutes can be mentally and physically draining, even for elite players. However, it brings us back to an age-old adage: if defending for the entire match leads to defeat, why not experiment with a more attack-minded strategy?

Let's be frank: Ketsbaia appears to be risk-averse. His defeatist attitude, combined with a lack of enthusiasm and optimism after games, is becoming disheartening. It's a barrage of excuses that fans have grown weary of.

For now, Ketsbaia seems untouchable, which might explain his subtle jab at striker Ioannis Pittas, who was conspicuously absent from the latest squad.

"I spoke with Pitta, and he informed us that his priority is AIK, which is not performing well in Sweden. He wanted to rest during these days, and he also had some injury issues that were holding him back. Unfortunately, we also expect players to be available, even if they can only play with one leg, and make sacrifices for the National team. In this regard, we have some issues related to mentality. Various factors are pressuring the players not to join the National team. Everyone seems to prioritize their own interests, perhaps influenced by their supporters."

The audacity of the man is astonishing. Shame on Pittas for choosing to stay in Sweden to improve his fitness and perform at his best for the club that pays his wages, rather than risking further injury by playing 43 minutes as a lone striker and enduring his coach's criticism from the sideline. Shame on Pittas for having the courage to say "no" to a megalomaniac. The shame is real.

Ketsbaia's comments further highlight the perception that he plays favourites, especially considering his lenient approach toward Pieros Sotiriou's decision to stay in Japan.

Pitta's decision to remain in Sweden was vindicated, as his replacement, Andronikos Kakoullis, played for 54 minutes before being substituted for Ethnikos Achnas striker Marios Ilia. Interestingly, Kakoullis had just eight touches of the ball in the first 30 minutes.

“Top of the shop - Number 90”

The worst part of Alexander Sorloth's deflected strike that gave Norway the lead wasn't that it potentially opened the floodgates, but it gave Ketsbaia a reason to bemoan his team's bad luck. Yes, Cyprus did admirably to keep the score at 0-0 for 33 minutes and limit Erling Haaland to just two chances. However, Ketsbaia's relentless focus on stamina levels is becoming tiresome. If Ketsbaia is genuinely concerned about his energy-sapping system, why not make tactical and personnel changes sooner? By the time APOEL forward Stavros Gavriel entered the pitch in the 78th minute to join Marios Ilia in an attacking role, Cyprus was already down 0-3.

“Doctor's Orders - Number 9”

"We've said many times that we can't do much in 2-3 days. When players aren't starting games at their clubs, it's difficult. In Norway, everyone plays 90 minutes in major leagues. We want to win, but Norway has world-class players."

And the excuses keep coming.

Ketsbaia had a five-year spell as Georgia's national team coach, so managing limited availability with his squad should be second nature to him. This is an issue faced by all national team coaches.

Perhaps Mr. Ketsbaia isn't paying much attention to his players' performances outside the national team, as nine out of the starting eleven against Norway regularly play for their club sides. It seems Ketsbaia has a habit of selecting central midfielders to play in central defence. Gogic and Kyprianou formed a central defensive trio with Andreas Karo. As a result, Kyprianou is now added to the list of names in the "Which midfielder will play at CB?" category for Ketsbaia Bingo.

“One little duck - Number 2”

Ketsbaia's unwavering commitment to the so-called trusted 5-4-1 system can be viewed as both practical and, to some, as lacking in courage. Cyprus managed a meagre two attempts on goal against Norway, bringing the total tally in their last three games to just nine – six against Scotland and one against Spain. As uninspiring as the playing style was under the previous coach, Kostenoglou, there were signs of attacking intent in many matches. The Cypriot national team has transitioned from a coach in Kostenoglou with a "throw shit against the wall and hope something sticks" philosophy to one under Ketsbaia that leaves fans saying “Watch Cyprus play? I’d rather shit in my hands and clap”. Pardon the strong language, but these are the facts, despite the Cyprus FA's attempts to suggest otherwise.

“Young and keen - Number 15”

Ketsbaia's pre-match press conference comments didn't inspire much optimism. Once again, he displayed a defeatist attitude, offering fans little to be hopeful about.

"We knew that it is difficult to achieve something. I don't like fairy tales."

Indeed. After all, why would someone who was handed the biggest coaching role in Cyprus, despite being sacked from his last position due to poor results, appreciate a fairy tale? It sounds more like a horror story.

"We may have made some mistakes too.”

It's interesting how, when mistakes are acknowledged, it becomes a collective "we" rather than a personal "I."

"I don't like excuses, but we tried everything. We changed both players and the system, but we couldn't secure points."

Incorrect, Mr. Ketsbaia. You stuck with the same 5-4-1 system for the last three games. Yes, there were player changes, but you somehow managed to include five Anorthosis players in the squad once again.

"We hope now, in the last three matches, to achieve our goal. Fifteen years ago, Cypriots played significant roles."

Fifteen years ago, Ketsbaia was the head coach of Anorthosis. His squad comprised only seven Cypriot players out of 26. The Cypriot national team at that time featured attack-minded and exciting players such as Okkas, Konstantinou, Efrem, and Aloneftis. There was even a 20-year-old winger named Dimitris Christofi, who now, at the age of 35, has been called up to recent squads.

“Royal salute - Number 21

Cup of tea - Number 3

One score - Number 20

Two dozen - Number 24”

March 21, 2024 – Judgment day. Cyprus travels to Gibraltar for the first leg of the UEFA Nations League C relegation playoff, a match that Ketsbaia frequently reminds us of.

"In the Nations League, we have teams close to us, and there we can make a difference."

Once again, a defeatist mindset takes the forefront. By Ketsbaia's logic, his squad, many of whom have won domestic honours and played in Europa and Conference League football, are on the same level as Gibraltar, ranked 198th in the world.

Ketsbaia may have a point, but considering his negative tactics, outdated managerial methods, and demoralizing attitude, it's no wonder Cyprus is perceived as capable of only beating a team ranked 77 places lower in the FIFA rankings.

So, there you have it – the curious saga of Ketsbaia Bingo, a story of persistence in the face of adversity, marked by excuses and a seemingly intractable commitment to a particular system. Whether this journey will ultimately lead to success or further frustration remains to be seen, but one thing is for sure: Cyprus's national football team is in the mud!

YAHTZEEEEEEEE!!!